This Feeling With Wings
by Pineapple Bacardi
Summary: Slash. Merlin tries to fly. It's painful. Merlin/Arthur.


When Merlin is 7 years old he tries to fly. He has special powers so he is pretty sure he can do it. It's painful and stupid and Merlin thinks special powers are dumb. Merlin breaks his arm and it hurts and he swears he will never try to fly again.

o.

When Merlin is 12 years old he tries to fly. He has special powers and a monster is hunting him. Merlin is running through the woods. He was just going to pick up some herbs for his mother. A monster is chasing him; it is big, scaly, and ugly and looks like something between a lizard and a bird.

Merlin thinks that this is how he will die. But then there is a cliff and Merlin jumps and he doesn't quite comprehend how he is 100 feet bellow the cliff without a scratch on him. He's standing and he's uninjured and thinks it's totally magical.

0.

When Merlin is 15 years old he tries to fly again. He still has special powers and they are growing stronger every day so Merlin figures that he can do it. It is even more painful this time around, so painful that he ends up with a two-inch long scar down his hairline and he is pretty sure he makes a new sleeping record.

o.

When Merlin is 19 years old he doesn't try to fly, he just does it anyway, not in an oh-I've-totally-got-wings kind of way, or even I-can-transform-into-a-bird kind of way, but more of a I-fell-down-a-flight-of-stairs kind of way. By then Merlin figures that flying might not be his thing if it only ends up with him and brain damage in the same sentence.

This time, Merlin's mother isn't around to scold him for his idiocy, so Arthur does it for her.

Merlin thinks that, this time around, the whole flying thing isn't really his fault. If it's anyone's fault it is Arthur's. He is the one who forced Merlin to wear the Official Ceremonial Robes of the Servants of Camelot and this time it was not actually a prank because Gwen had to wear them as well. Fortunately, Merlin didn't make it as far as the banquet with those stupid robes. Merlin didn't even make it down the flight of stairs leading down from Arthur's room. Merlin did complain that the hem was way too long but by the time Merlin was stumbling down the stairs it was already too late.

When Merlin wakes up later he is pretty sure of two things. One, Merlin must really be seriously injured or Arthur would not be looking at him like that. Two, Merlin is pretty sure that he used magic right before his face smacked into the ground at the bottom of the stairs. He does find it strange that he remembers using magic but nothing else. He figures that he would probably have a lot more brain damage if he hadn't used his magic.

Merlin is not sure of what Arthur knows or what he has seen, but he does act differently around Merlin for the new few days. Merlin is not quite sure what to make of it, but he feels Arthur's gaze on him all the time.

o.

A few months later, Merlin gets that feeling again, like he's flying. It is an odd sensation, but it feels like he's falling at the same time. It's been awkward for months now. It's like they're playing a bizarre, screwed-up version of cat-and-mouse. Merlin knows that Arthur knows. Merlin is also pretty sure that Arthur knows that Merlin knows that he knows.

Arthur corners him on the way to the kitchens one evening. Merlin can tell by the intense look on Arthur's face that either something very good or something very bad is going to happen.

Arthur kisses him, and it feels like flying and falling at the same time. Merlin struggles to understand how they ended up here, but it doesn't matter. Arthur presses him against the wall, rubbing against him and it feels so good. Arthur is kissing him, and Merlin loves that noise Arthur makes when Merlin runs his finger through his golden hair.

Merlin loves that noise; he wants to hear it over and over again. He wants to hear it forever.

o.

When Merlin is 23 years old, he is pretty sure he flies for the very first time. It's not in the sense that his feet actually lift from the ground and he waves his arms about like a crazy bird. It's more like one second he's in Arthur's chambers, Arthur telling him that he needs to run, and the next second he's in the forest outside of Camelot.

Merlin is running before he even allows his mind to think about what he's doing. He doesn't want to think how long it'll be before he will see Arthur again. The knights are already following. Merlin knows that. He doesn't hear or see them, but he feels Arthur. Merlin can almost see it in his head, Uther ordering Arthur and his knights to capture the sorcerer, to capture Merlin.

It can not end like this. They can't end like this. There is supposed to be so much more.

Merlin waits. He waits in the forest, hiding with his magic. The sun is setting now, some last golden beams shooting against the sky. Merlin figures the whole castle must have been searched by now. Merlin pictures Arthur's chambers in his head, sees the bed, sees Arthur's face in his mind and a moment later Merlin's there.

Merlin waits in the chambers. Arthur returns in the morning hours, his weary face turning relieved as he sees Merlin waiting on the bed. Arthur holds him, kisses him, scolds him for returning when it's too dangerous. Merlin knows he needs to leave, but it feels like something is clawing inside his chest and his throat is tightening. Arthur kisses him again, deeper, filled with promise and forever and you-will-come-back. Merlin knows it's not forever, Uther won't always be King, but right now, it feels like forever.

But Merlin disappears. He doesn't return until Arthur's coronation years later.

o.

When Merlin is who-knows-how-old, but he doesn't like to keep track, he flies for the last time. It comes out of nowhere. Merlin can barely stand; there is blood on his fingers, blood on his stomach, blood on his face, blood everywhere. Merlin is no match for Morgause right now and he knows he won't make it out alive.

Suddenly he's in the air, his feet off the ground. Morgause looks at him, a strange glint in her eye, she speaks but Merlin can not hear her. They're in the middle of battle, Mordred and his army are winning. Merlin knows this might be the end for him. It brings him comfort knowing Arthur will be all right. They have a plan, in case Arthur gets injured. Morgana will take him to Avalon. He will be healed and he will be hidden and he will be all right.

Morgause speaks in a strange tongue and there's a sharp pain inside of Merlin and then he's somewhere else. Away from the battlefield. He's in the dark. There's no pain anymore, but he's trapped. He realizes he's not dead, but he's trapped and it's dark and damp and he can't get out.

It's the end and Merlin feels the cold grip of grief taking over.

o.

It is night and Arthur has just been crowned King of Camelot. Merlin has missed Arthur so much.

They're in bed and there are hands and lips everywhere and Merlin can barely believe this is happening. He's dreamt of finally returning to Arthur, but he never thought it would happen again. Merlin's magic is all over the place, it's vibrating off his skin as Arthur touches him, it is in every single gasp and kiss.

It feels like they're levitating, or maybe it's the bed. They're too wrapped up in each other, their bodies intertwined, to realize what is going on around them. Nothing matters, not the future, not the past, but the feeling of them together again. Arthur kisses him, moves against him, whispering against his skin and all Merlin can do is moan.

Whatever is happening, it's magical and it makes Merlin smile.


End file.
